The bespectacled mother

I blog actively at 'the bespectacled mother'.

I will be happy to meet you there.

I am a member of Write tribe pro blogger challenge.

Need Time Off : Knock Out Routine

One wintry December morning

That was one of such days when one does not feel like getting out of the warm quilt and the alarm, being victimised of repeated snoozing, keeps buzzing at every 5 minutes interval for 1 hour signalling to get up to the march past of the day. Finally I had to force myself to wake up at Dhruv’s call realising that having slept for 11 hours he would have been feeling hungry. Aah Winters!!!!

It was 7.30 am.

Lots of work piled up. Serving milk to Dhruv, having my cup of green tea, cooking and packing lunch for daddy, making breakfast for Dhruv and myself. Oh God, I did not feel like doing anything.

10 am.

All the above chores done. Reluctantly yet done with satisfaction. Another realisation now – what all chores are to be done for the day….oh lots and lots. I tried running the list in my mind.

Cleaning the dishes
Vacuuming the house
Cooking lunch for Dhruv and me
Ironing clothes
Washing my oiled hair

I got jittery. I decided let me prioritize. So the not so final list.

Washing my oiled hair, and
Cooking lunch for Dhruv and me.

But what about relaxing? Therefore the final list.
Postpone everything, there is still lots of time.
Lie down, relax with a new book that I had borrowed from the library. After all sunny days outside are not so common.

The new book on my agenda  was the complete illustrated guide of Twilight series ( Gosh, it took me a long long time to get over my fetish for Twilight).

The letter from the writer and the publisher was followed by an  interview of Stephanie Meyer by another author Shanon Hale. The whole thing about the interview, about getting to know a writer’s mind was so intriguing that I could not see any possibility of mine shutting the book anytime soon. Somewhere inside I felt inspired about telling a story.

During this whole time of concentrating and focussing on the book, Dhruv was jumping over me from the adjacent table onto the couch where I had fixed up my chilling out sunny spot. He had figured out his brownie. Disturb mummy, ask out aloud for the brownie, keep pestering.

What next?
Mummy gave in.
On the basis of a profound thought, lets be reckless today keeping aside all the rules of the house ( of course no harm is meant by breaking rules once in a while). Cheers to Recklessness!!!! The brownie – the laptop was out for the sake of the love for Mickey mouse sans the rule of 1 hr watching, sans the rule of shutting down laptop when the alarm rings. (The alarm here is set as a reminder for Dhruv that his video watching time is over since the concept of time telling is alien to him and a clock for him serves the purpose of singing numbers from 1 to 12).

Today the rule was different – until mummy decides to put down the book.

It was a lovely day. Sunny outside, bright and relaxing inside..And it was a wonderful day from Dhruv’s perspective too. Endlessly watching ‘new new twinkle’ (the laptop as per his vocab). However, I promised myself ‘We will get back to our rules tomorrow. But the book is so very interesting. Anyways we will do the right thing’.

The relaxing schedule went on until 1 pm when I reluctantly decided to put it down, wash my hair and prepare the lunch before 2pm. We had lunch in the next half an hr and both of us went out for a walk since we still had 1 hr before it got dark. I bumped into a friend from Slovakia, whom i had befriended in one of the parenting courses i attended, on the way. We did some chit chat, came back home as it got dark, had some snacks, sang rhymes, started the bedtime routine and Dhruv peacefully went to sleep by 7 pm.

Life is all about revelations and that day’s revelation was even mothers can  take time off for themselves and indulge, doesn’t matter if some rules and routine are bent and broken in the process.

 The list of pending chores was deferred to the next day to be considered with a fresh mind.

Bumpy Ride : Road Ahead

After our first debacle, the diapers got a revival. And since their throwing away had just been symbolic and not absolute, their comeback was swift but with limited usage this time, only meant for outings and night-time.

After putting off the training plan for a month, the whole process started again. This time the strategy was to take it slow since all the promises by potty training experts to train young ones in 3 days, 5 days or 1 week would have fallen flat yet again with my strong-willed son.

To begin with, the potty seat found its way into the living room in full view to act as a constant reminder to Dhruv that I had not put the whole training thing completely on the back burner.

The colourful potty training book which had been borrowed from the local library went through several renewals and reading it together once a day became a serious ritual.

Taking a clue from the book where a teddy was shown sitting on the potty seat, Dhruv got the idea of pretend play and out came his teddies and Mickey mouse who were made to sit on the potty seat and were ordered to do pee-pee. Thus ‘in exile’ went the teddies and the mouse lest the seriousness of the issue turn into some recreation.

Each time I picked up the mop to clean the floor following the disaster, it was time to lovingly and gently remind the little one that the next time he should be telling me and I will help him use the potty seat. The listener would seldom be giving any heed because at the same time he was busy spotting a red car in the parking lot, a truck on the street, the sound of the sirens of the fire engine, ambulance and police car. And when no vehicles came into sight, it was considered as an appropriate time to press for a cookie, chips, wheels on the bus videos, Peppa Pig etc etc. Nevertheless,  the reminders continued but devoid of any anxiety this time.

‘We shall overcome, we shall overcome
We shall overcome one day
Oh, deep in my heart, I do believe
We shall overcome one day’

I reminded myself of this song I had learnt in school years back.

And then one day, Dhruv was spotted sitting idly on the potty seat watching some videos on the computer and this was without any initiation or external forces’ interference. The parents could not believe their eyes. This opportunity was seized to shower all praises and cuddles. Tears trickled down my eyes to see my little baby finally growing up. Just then he stood up, moved out and it was time to get the mop.

From here on, he began using the potty seat as per his own will but for seating purposes only probably thinking considerately about the mop which could have been rendered unemployed adding to the ever-increasing  global unemployment figures.

There is something called evolution, I comforted myself. He has got there, almost.

Once I found Daddy dearest taking upon the role of teaching him and reminding him of the ‘Do’s and Don’ts  of the potty training business oblivious of  Dhruv’s 10 on 10 theoretical knowledge. And thereafter the questions followed (yet again)-

Q. Where should be pee and poop done?
A. In the potty seat.

Q. And Where does Dhruv do the same?
A. In the potty seat.

Daddy dearest became perplexed at the answer to the last question because that was clearly not happening and a two and a half-year old would not possibly be capable of lying. Daddy was aptly informed that his son, being as smart as him, knew all the perfect answers which could fetch him full marks on any given occasion.

The next phase saw some trust building between me and Dhruv as he happily started going to the bathroom every 2 hours upon my insistence and relenting himself on the bathroom mat. This meant I had to buy 3 sets of mats just for this purpose. This added to the laundry loads but I was contented that he had inched closer to ground zero.

In the last one month, he has moved one notch ahead into the bathroom tub. The resultant effect is that the laundry loads have reduced drastically now and  the room fresheners have seen some savings . Finally, we have been able to chuck out the diapers for the day time. Now every time that we go out, we have to limit our outings to 2 – 2 1/2 hours and return back home just in time.

Dhruv bypassed the potty seat phase and reached straight into the bathroom but it seems using the big toilet seat is still going to take some more time.

This bumpy ride which began 7 months ago has seen a gradual progress thanks to perseverance.

I am hopeful -

He shall overcome, he shall overcome
He shall overcome one day
Oh, deep in my heart, I do believe
He shall overcome one day.

The next update in this category will ensue with both of us successfully graduating in this subject complete with felicitation and certificates.

Until then there would be other experiences, worthy of sharing, finding their way into this blogging space.

I have been frequently asked to write about my experiences while travelling to different places and about my stay in UK. Let me see if I am able to make that account interesting since travelling middle class and that too with a toddler is so boring entailing too much of planning and leaving very little scope to deviate.

First Attempt at Potty Training : Doomed

This is about the time last summer when one fine day I decided its high time to start Dhruv’s  potty training now that he had completed 26 months.

The umpteen potty training literature, which included the various published materials from the library and the children centres as well as the number of hours i clocked in terms of watching you tube videos, that I went through in preparation gave me the insight that the right age to start potty training starts 18 months onward. This meant that I had already lost a good 8 months. But to my respite the literature also pointed out that summer is the best time to start potty training. The limited summer time that the UK weather bestows meant buckling up the belts for quick and fast paced action.

 I admit I became anxious as if there was a challenge ahead of me and I had been preparing for a battlefield. I remember telling one of my friends that excelling in this challenge of potty training will be my life’s biggest achievement till date, my grades in school and university,  my achievements in my professional sphere, almost everything notwithstanding. This was my first time of working alone for a milestone for my toddler. Previously,  when I was busy working in the professional sphere my father was the one who helped my little baby in all his milestones whether it was his rolling over to his sides, his first attempts at sitting, crawling and  taking his first steps at walking. But since I have moved to UK with my husband and my little one, I have been all to myself in getting the first hand experience at motherhood. So as I love to start every new thing on Monday after meticulously planning over the whole weekend, the chucking out diaper event had the curtain raiser on one warm July Monday morning.

The literature said buy a handy potty seat ( 2 in case if you have a double story house for both the floors), buy lots of underwears, buy reward charts, buy a step stool for reaching the basin for washing hands. I was prepared with all these bows in my armour as I had already considered it a battlefield.

The literature also talked about the process.

• Making the child sit on the potty seat trying to pee every 15 minutes ( it would have been genius of that researcher to have figured out this 15 min ritual) and after breakfast and dinners for poop.
• Making sure that the child is able to pull up and down his pyjamas and underwear before going onto the potty seat. 
• Staying indoors for atleast a week when starting with the potty training scene and if compelled to go outdoors not switching to diapers and carrying the potty seat along with extra set of changeable clothes.
• Rewarding the child with lots of praises and stickers when he manages to get his pee or poop inside the potty seat.

·It also said there will be accidents for the first 2 or 3 days but following this routine the child will get potty trained in 1 week time.

 Wow!! I thought, just 1 week is the time that it takes. Feeling confident over the research and preparations I had done, it was wartime.

How I started

It started with mummy and son going through a colourful book all about the fine nuances of this subject.  I showed Dhruv his new underwears of various colours and characters to let him feel inspired to wear them and yes he was instantly. I beamed at my first success. I talked to him that from now on he will not be wearing diapers so we are throwing away them so he said ‘diapers feko’ ( throw the diapers). I beamed again. I showed him the potty seat, which though I had bought alongwith him but had not yet specified its use, and explained what it is meant for he understood that too. So after his theory classes it was time to quiz him about his learning ( like a true academician that I am).

Q: Where do the diapers go now on?
A: Diapers feko ( throw away diapers).

Q: Where will Dhruv do his pee from now on?
A: In the potty seat.

Q:Where will Dhruv do his poop from now on?
A: in the potty seat.

A wow moment surely it was. My little Dhruv passed his first exam with flying colours. I adored him. Filled with aplomb, it was time to move onto the practicals.

Practicals.

I asked him to pull down his pyjamas and underwear to sit on the potty seat. He chose to sit down but with his pyjamas on because he got attached with the bright yellow underwear and did not want to take it off. Okay, I said to myself this is the first time. He will do it the next time which was not too distant.  After staring at the clock for  full 15 min, I asked him to sit down on the potty seat again with his pyjamas and underwear down. And this time, Dhruv understood that this is some kind of a conspiracy that mummy is upto in the garb of a game and by all means he had to avoid himself becoming the target and therefore came a quirk reply NO. I tried talking him out of it but my partner in action had become a distrusting foe by now not ready to acquiesce to anything whatsoever I said. I was adamant too for not giving up and with every 15 min that passed the atmosphere in the house intensified. Amidst all this anxiety build up I noticed that it had been 3 hours and all this concentrating on the ritual of my making him sit on the seat and his brutal denials he had not peed which was not normal for him. He had been holding it for too long and eventually I decided to give away and asked him to do it whichever way he wished and not hold it. He did not. And only when I got too tired dealing with all of this and decided to have a time out and leave the room, he felt comfortable doing it in the pyjamas. Later, trying to be positive, I told him it was okay that he did it in pyjamas this time but we shall try the potty seat again the next day. I think he must have picked up on the first part of my statement gladly ignoring the last part because the second day too ended up on the same note.

At the end of second day, there were 2 lessons learnt or enlightenment that happened. One for me and the other one for Dhruv.
I realized that the literature also pointed out that one must take cue from the child’s behaviour that if a child is not ready for potty training then simply abort untill a few weeks or months time  before starting again. I accepted. ‘TO ABORT‘ was my decision.
For Dhruv, he discovered that one does not need only diapers to do pee and poop in pyjamas and one can comfortably continue doing it so, sans the diapers too, in the underwears.

Dhruv’s stubbornness won over my anxious persistence resulting in my increased loads of laundry and endless cleaning of the house floors ( thankfully my house does not have an extensive carpet area and for the rest of the area the room fresheners came handy to prevent stinking).

We have started to make some progress in this direction only now in his 33rd month and in the heights of winters but its still a long mile ahead. 

The next blog will be about the various phases in our potty training journey.

My struggle with potty training

I believe there would be a lot of mothers like me who must be failing in potty training in their first attempts. I spoke to a few mothers i befriended in the toddler play groups but i was not able to get them divulge the details of how did they manage. They were unanimous that this was not a problem for them. Great!!!

The two elderly ladies in my life, my mother and my mother in law remember very less of it now except for the fact that they too did not struggle with it, their babies got potty trained on their own. How much I wish for my son would have been like their perfect children ( who are offcourse my husband and me). They are also very quick to blame the diaper culture for making this thing a big issue. My support system in the form of my mother and mother in law did very little to boost my morale only fuelling my anxiety.

As a last resort, I turned to the internet space. My attempt at finding out info about any mothers struggling in this area to get some moral support in my own struggles, atleast, led me nowhere with either my browsing limitations or Google’s limited limitations to blame. So I had been thinking of putting together my struggles and experiences with potty training hoping that I am able to become instrumental in offering some moral support to some mother somewhere who feels like being trapped in a quagmire situation like I have been and still am.

The next blog will be about me and my free spirited son, Dhruv’s first attempt at Potty Training.